happy birthday, cuckoo
i want to make God know his mistake and cry, but all i have are words. And i miss you way beyond words.
But, above the hummingbird and QVC incidents, the dreaming and sensing, the really-happen or coincidence, the couldn’t-be’s or could-it’s, this one says you’re reading this birthday wish.
inexplicable, part three
As incredible as the other signs were, to me this was most-boggling, and i’ve kept it to last.
It was midnight Friday, a month ago, technically the same morning as, and hours before the QVC incidents.
Nosy is easily our smallest, cutest, most beautiful cat ever. And the closest to Phyl’s heart. Phyllis’ precious Nosy was really sick. Just staring, not eating, dehydrated, totally lethargic, warm nose, throwing up. I was really missing Phyllis, as opposed to just missing Phyllis. Somewhere amidst incalculable love, heartrending regret, wallowing in self-pity, and wanting to carpetbomb the rest of the undeserving world, as referenced before, I went berzerko, demanding a sign I’d see Phyl, cussing and yelling at God, destiny, karma, any couple over 64, and the ad infinitum survivors or cancer treatment commercials on tv (“’After the stem cell procedure, we’re so thankful to welcome back celebrity z; you look great!’ ‘I feel great, watch me smirk’”, “We’re in Podunk, but our expert, caring staff has a 98% satisfaction rating, so fuck you if you went anywhere else.”)
I took Nosy to our vets. The vet told me her blood tests showed she had 4 times the highest normal blood sugar, and a severe urinary tract infection. There were three options. 1—Put her to sleep right now. 2–Try to treat the urinary tract infection and give her two shots of insulin every day and she could last a few more years. She went to Phyl, but still always ran away from me, lived under the bed always staying out of my reach. At best, that’d be tough. 3–Take her home, make her as comfortable as possible for a few days, and bring her back, “preferably before she gets too distressed.”
At home that evening, I went to give Nosy the antibiotic, but couldn’t find her. I keep most room and bathroom doors closed, so there are only 3 rooms the cats can access; the bedroom where we sleep, the bedroom where they poop, and the kitchen. She was nowhere. She doesn’t ever go out at night, and the doors were locked. She had to be here. I looked again and again. From experience, i know cats go off and curl up by themselves to die. I looked for hours. I looked under everything, lifted the box springs, opened the bottom drawers. Three times, I searched every fucking inch of those rooms and closets, up and down, cussing and crying and screaming. She was nowhere. After 3 hours of panicked searching, and a bp of 1,000, I gave up. Frantic, at midnight Friday, I sat down to vent this post.
And out prances Nosy.
It’s a month later. Absolutely inexplicable. From another dimension beyond my grasp. I swear she just sashayed over and is purring right beside me as I write this. It’s a month later, She’s in perfect health, sleeps with me every night, loves when I pet her, as I’m doing with my right hand at this moment. i know people are gonns think i’m exaggerating. Nuh-uh. This all is exactly what happened. And, to me, without you, mybeauty, it’s simply not possible.