OK, signs. November 18th, the day of the big memorial for Phyl at Ann’s house.
I discussed signs from the departed with Joan, Beverly, and Linda. Each had lost their closest family member. Each believes in signs, mostly animals and dreams, and told me to watch out for them.
That morning I awakened to QVC’s Quacker Factory on the bedroom tv. Anyone who knew Phyl knew it was, by far, Phyl’s favorite. It’s the reason for our second mortgage. The thing is, since she’s gone, I keep the tv on sports channels, to avoid the triggers that tear me apart. I have no idea how it got to channel 14. And Quacker Factory is only on three hours a month.
About 9, Kris and Beverly came from Brea. The plastic U.S. mat was on the kitchen table. Beverly asked about it. Phyl kept it beside the family room tv with the plastic Presidents mat. Years ago, she saw the U.S. mats in my fifth grade classroom and asked for one for a reference. She was like that. I was married to a librarian, before she was a librarian. She was so excited when we found the companion U.S. Presidents mats in a Tucson antique store. Like the U.S. map, she only wanted one for herself. It cost a dollar. Kris had been staying with Beverly. There had been no-one in the house since Kris had left Friday morning. All weekend, I had eaten and computered at the table, and no mat was there. I had no idea how the mat got there, unless the cats secretly had hands.
Jody and Tracy came from Studio City, and Beverly, Kris, and I left early to help Ann and Bob. When we got there, Kris and Beverly became very upset that they suddenly couldn’t find the zillion cookies they’d bought for Ann’s house and put in the car. They even called Beverly’s grandson Brandon, back in Brea, to check the driveway. They called Jody to check my driveway and he told them the cookies were in boxes in our house. Both Beverly and Kris, who, like me, doesn’t believe in any of this sign baloney, swear up and down that no-one knew they had cookies, no-one brought the cookies out of their car, and certainly no-one had brought them into our house.
The moment I got home from the memorial, Joan Rivers was on QVC, on the family room tv. She’s also on only a few hours a month. She and that moron Jackie Kennedy jewelry ripoff guy were Phyl’s other favorites. Four years ago, I had to leave my parents night show to take Phyl to a booksigning, so she could meet Joan Rivers. Three years ago, I had to pay an arm and a leg, so Phyl could sit in the front row of Joan Rivers’ show at the Geffen. Because one can see into the family room, I leave the bedroom tv on when I leave. I already cry all day and night. It’s why it’s still hard to answer your phonecalls, emails, cards, and even the door. Because of the memories it’d trigger, I’d never turn on QVC, never mind Joan Rivers.
As Phyl could tell you, I’m weird. But not such a weirdo that I believe in this stuff. Jody says I cost him a between-shows job on the tv show Ghost Hunters, because I made an inappropriate joke, on speakerphone, to the Ghost Hunter executives, who fully believe in the paranormal and don’t ever joke about it. (I said, “Say hello to Casper for me.”)
On one hand, I believe these are my misremembering or coincidence. On the other hand, for me it’s the slightest, eensiest, infinitesmal possibility it’s a sign. Because, right now, the only things that keep me going are the kids and the hope I’ll see Phyl again some day.
Also in the realm of the inexplicable, in Phyl’s last months, Adam was in New York working as set teacher on the final season of the Showtime show, The Big C. I’ve never seen the show, but it’s about a teacher who gets cancer, and her son. That weekend Friday, as I was working, unbeknownst to Adam, on the presentations about Phyl. Adam called and said he was really upset and had to step away. As the show hasn’t aired, Adam says I can’t tell why, but the why is unreal. p.s. Adam’s job is set teacher of the son. The kid’s name in the show is Adam.
