Didn’t post this last week as Paige’s arrival is eons more important. Didn’t post it two weekends ago because the dinosaur computer ate it. Couldn’t get it back. All gone. Very weird. This had happened only one time before; with the previous hummingbird post. My cousin Beverly, who was as close to Phyl as anyone, said, “Maybe Phyllis doesn’t want anyone else to know these things.” I thought absurd and posted the previous one anyway. I must be looney-tunes, because, after it just happened again, I actually hesitated posting. And that’s the theme here. ‘Again’ is uncommon. Again and again, nine times, is inexplicable.
I want just one thing ever—to see phyl again. When I say that in the bereavement group, a fourth look jealous and three-fourths look as if I’m from the planet zorko, which is why I seldom go to group any more. 16 months ago, I myself’d have called anyone that delusional, a fucking idiot. Now, dunno; circumstantial surely (and don’t call me Shirley) but, after nine hummingbird incidents; inexplicable. None stand alone, 1 or 2 is coincidence-attributable. 9, maybe not. Each successive one is increasingly incomprehensible in the rearview mirror…
1) Joan’s story the week we lost Phyl, of Phyllis’ and her backyard attributions and conclusions, when the two hummingbirds had hovered in to face them as they discussed departed loved ones.
2) The visits of the hummingbird to Phyllis’ backyard feeder which had been empty and unvisited since she got sick over two years ago.
3) Right after we lost Phyl, for the first time in her 18 years, Nosy, Phyllis’ favorite kitten ever, the one who slept with her every night and Phyl NEVER allowed outdoors, followed Webby and went outside into the back yard to watch the birds. She does it every morning now.
4) An unknown guy rang the bell while I was reading Denise’s famous pastor’s book about afterlife. Said he was visiting his sister down the street, heard about Phyl, and wanted to talk to me. Could not possibly have known, but quoted, not referred to, but quoted the passage I’d just that day read, and spoke about death for 25 minutes. All the time we were talking, a hummingbird was flitting around over his head. Hard-to-believe, but true.
5) The front door and driveway hummingbird that constantly followed me the next day, even as I was washing my car, which I never do.
6) Jody’s story that, filming the Jimmy Jam show for Oprah in Thousand Oaks, the dentist chosen for the scene happened to be Jody’s old dentist and was reminiscing about a young Phyllis holding a scared Jody’s hand in his office. Jody says he was about to break down into pieces in front of the crew, when Jimmy’s son suddenly yelled, “Look at the window, a hummingbird!” which Jody felt was mom stepping in to save him, as he composed himself.
7) Visiting her close (and most spiritual) lifelong bff Marietta, in her kitchen in Hingham, in the pouring rain, listening to stories of a young Phyllis, a bright green/purple hummingbird stayed at the window staring at us. Marietta said it doesn’t happen, especially in the rain.
8) As I wrote 3 weeks ago, the come-to-us cancer commercials got to me. I was looney-tunes; enraged, yelling at God, religion, fate, destiny, karma AND Phyllis in our living room, demanding a sign, or I wouldn’t believe it mattered, because I hadn’t had anything in 6 months, That night I dreamed about Phyl, and on Sunday, Tammie and Pete rang the bell on their walk and pointed out a new hummingbird’s nest high up on Phyl’s glass cat mobile facing the front door.
9) Two weeks ago, Jody was scouting which surgery unit, of 4 different Colombia, South America cities’ medical centers, to film for a new show Planet Hospital. He chose the modern San Vicente University Hospital in Medellin. Though he’d filmed the inside and outside of each hospital, he said he hadn’t noticed that the giant painting on the side of the Medellin hospital was a hummingbird, until, the staff pointed out it was the only hospital with a legend logo; rebirth symbolized by the hummingbird. A nurse Jody didn’t know handed Jody the pin in the photo and said, “This is for your mom.”
